Welcome to My Worlds: A Bipolar Christian Tells All

Hope y’all are havin’ a great evening. Here’s another nugget of wisdom for ya. I’m in the less-is-more crowd. Many writers fill their verbiage with superfluous words. We covered intensifiers yesterday. Today, it’s qualifiers. Ugh. 

Definition: An unnecessary word that blurs your meaning and weakens your sentence.  

Something is, or it isn’t. No reason to shroud your sentence in the fog, to sap the strength from the meaning of it (okay, so I’m being overly dramatic. Biiig surprise!). 

Here’s your example: It was a bit cold outside. Can anyone guess what the qualifier is? “A bit.” As previously stated, something is, or it isn’t. Is it cold, or not? If it is, go back to yesterday’s lesson, where we used the word “frigid.” It was frigid outside. If your character isn’t in

Antarctica, use a descriptive word that isn’t so strong. It was chilly outside. 

I know, I don’t allow sentences to begin with “it was,” but for the sake of the example, I let it pass. I juggle two businesses in the daytime, and start working on my handbag business at 8 p.m. Last night I went to bed at 3 a.m. and got up at 6:00. “It was” is lookin’ good right now. 

Other qualifying offenders are: rather, a little, a lot, seemed, only, slightly, just, almost, nearly, sort of, kind of, etc. (No, “etc.” isn’t a qualifier.) 

Remember, there are exceptions, especially in dialogue. Every character has a different speech pattern. Some of these words are also appropriate when one character speculates on what another character is thinking.  

Night night. Hope you join me on the morrow for your last mini-lesson. 

Smiles,Kelly 

Sorry this is so late. I got all caught up in the convention speeches, and I’m on Pacific time.So, what’s an intensifier?

An intensifier emphasizes the word it modifies. What does that mean? I think an example is worth 1,000 words. Here’s a typical scenario where one might use an intensifier: What was she thinking when she traveled to

Antarctica? That place could be really cold! The intensifier is “really,” which modifies the word “cold.”

 You can prop up a weak word, but it’s still weak. In this instance, one-plus-one doesn’t equal two, it equals l-a-z-y. Find a stronger word. Here’s one for ya: What was she thinking when she traveled to

Antarctica? That place could be frigid. Other examples of heinous intensifiers are: very, totally, quite, extremely, severely, etc. (No, etc. isn’t an intensifier.) Note: There are exceptions. Use your head. If those words were never correct, they wouldn’t be words. And remember that intensifiers have their place in dialogue, as everyone has different speech patterns. Hope ya pop in on the morrow for lesson number three. Smiles,Kelly 

Ugh. I keep my hands off dialogue, but when it comes to the rest, I’m tough, but for a reason. To help. Tellin’ you you have the next best thing to havin’ me rep ya, won’t help if it ain’t true. So what can up your chances? Show the agents and editors you know something most writers don’t. Here’s one of four tips (the others will appear Wed., Thurs., and Friday).

I don’t like it, and everyone does it. The dreaded reflexive pronoun use.

Definition: Only use pronouns ending in “self,” when the pronoun refers back to the subject. Don’t use “own” in conjunction with a pronoun when referring back to the subject.

Examples, please! Okay, okay. No worries.

Only use pronouns ending in “self,” when the pronoun refers back to the subject. Ex: “I hit myself.” A piece of cake, or pie, depending on what ya like. Right?

Here’s a format I see often: “His own brother hated him.” No, no,  no! This should read, “His brother hated him.” Why say ‘his own brother’? Like is brother isn’t his own? Clean up the little things. A lot of little things can add up to one big thing. Oops, thats, “a big thing…”

Hi Gang,

Okay, next paragraph, same thing. Paragraph on another character. Here’s an example…

SECOND CHARACTER PARAGRAPH:

[Born the bastard son of an earl, Pearce de Godfrey despises noblewomen. Was it not one who lied to him of her love, then robbed him of his child? Pearce saves the life of England’s prince, and the king awards him a bride with a rich dowry. Now he’ll have the means satisfy two of his goals: wealth and position. With his newfound resources he can scour the land for his child, if one exists. But, alas, he’s fallen in love with a peasant maid whom he’s vowed to keep from harm. Now he’s forced to make an agonizing decision. Should he wed for love—or the means needed to claim his kin? Imagine his anger when he finds a hated noblewoman is the peasant who won his heart.]

Now, you can have a short “wrap up” on the plot, if your two paragraphs didn’t outline it well enough. As long as you’ve stated the character’s goals, etc., and some of the plot, you can move on to the bio paragraph.

BIO PARAGRAPH:

[I’ve recently sold two articles to A Greater Freedom, an inspirational military publication, another to Club Romance e-zine, and numerous greeting card captions (yeah, I know—but everyone tells me they count). I have a Web site at: www.kellymortimer.com, where I’ve listed my endorsements. I’m a Romance Writers of America PRO member, and I attend meetings at my home chapter, Orange County, CA RWA. I also travel to RWA’s yearly National conferences in order to network and take advantage of the wonderful opportunities their variety of workshops provide.]

CLOSING PARAGRAPH:

NOTE: a SIMULTANEOUS submission means you’ve sent this work to other agents/editors. A MULTIPLE submission means you’ve submitted multiple projects TO THIS PERSON.

[This is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for taking your valuable time to consider my query. May I send you a partial of full manuscript, my synopsis, and marketing plan?]

Sincerely,

Kelly L. Mortimer

[no space] Contact info and Web site if not in header or footer as letterhead

Things to leave OFF your bio:

Non writing-related job experience

Individual names of more than 2 chapters

More than three contest finals or wins (if not already in first paragraph)

Opinions of your family and friends

Misc. 

What Agents/Editors don’t like:

When you compare your work to others’ in this way…

“I’ve written the next Da Vinci Code,” or

“I’m the new Dan Brown the world is waiting for,” or

“I’m positive my manuscript will be a best-seller,” or

“You’d be foolish to pass on this manuscript.” [yes, I’m serious.]

[It’s fine to compare your manuscript to another author’s work when you’re saying:

“Think [insert author’s name]”

Please send your questions via “comments.”

Tell your loops and friends to join us. What would y’all like to learn next? I’m open to ideas!

Smiles,

K.

Hey Gang,

Still have one deal pending. The guy said he’s call me Monday. Men! They tell ya they’ll call ya tomorrow….. Actually did this post last night but forgot to start a new thread. Hey, it was 10 P.M.; whaddaya want!. Missed ya guys. So, minus your simple, neat letterhead, this is how the beginning of your query should look. (Note: There are extra spaces I couldn’t delete. No space inbetween a quote and the quotee, no spaces in the name and address. Oiy!)

LETTERHEAD (I often used one of my endorsement quotes underneath the letterhead.)

“Kelly–you’re writing looks great. Good luck with selling!”

           …  New York Times Best-Selling Author, Kat Martin

 

March 17, 2008

Ms. Exalted Editor

Gonna-Sign-Ya Books

Address                                              

Address                                             

Dear Ms. Editor,

               What happens when the Lucy Ricardo of the 14th Century meets the hero of the battle of Crecy? (’meets’ should be under ‘what.’ I have a full page when I compose, then it doesn’t show up right on the blog. Arrg!)

 

I’ve written a 90,000-word historical romance, Moment of Glory, and I’m looking for an editor. Moment of Glory has humor, drama, mystery, and has recently finaled in three contests. The second manuscript in the series, Moment of Passion, is also completed.

 

(That’s your “info” paragraph. Enough so the agent/editor knows what she’s gonna read, how long it is, yadda yadda. Some people put it at the end. I like to know up-front, so that’s how I send mine. Whatever floats yer boat. Your title should be in italics and bold.)

(Next, I do a paragraph on each main character)

Edlynne Wynterbourne is beautiful, clumsy, and nearsighted—and her pluck often leads her into perilous situations. Her father, the Earl of Sussex, orders her to wed a most vile man, while she wishes to wed for love. To escape this heinous fate she disguises herself as a peasant and embarks upon an adventure, but her father is close on her heels. Can she find the one who’ll love her—not her wealth—before it’s too late?

(Notice I used contractions, but also kept the flavor of the time with other words like “vile,” “perilous,” etc.)

Send your paragraphs when ya have ‘em. Sorry for the disjointed schedule. One of those things. I’m actually supposed to be on vaca this week–code for I’m supposed to be working on my “nigttime” business, and my non-fiction proposal. Sigh.

K.

Hi Everyone. Under the “this could only happen to me” category, I did the lesson on the blog. I thought I’d better save it in a word doc too. So, I tried to copy the text. Hmm. Wouldn’t let me. Then I tried to print it out to scan. Wouldn’t let me. So, I hit “Save” and the site deleted the lesson. What fun! I was so upset I had to go outside and attack a helpless pine. Tree-huggers, don’t get yer twigs in a twirl. I got out my electric sander and smoothed out the top of the desk I need to refinish. Okay, on with the show.

I don’t remember word-for-word, but here goes.

The Query Letter – Part 1 of 2 

We all know how important the query letter is. If you’ve never met the Agent/Editor (a/e) you’re sending the letter to, the query is your “first impression.” What makes an excellent query? Gotta use the “S” word. It’s subjective. There are some common sense things people with no common sense don’t do, or do do if they shouldn’t. I’ll touch on those, just in case.

1. Make sure the a/e you’re sending your query to reps/edits what you write. No, we won’t read your query and so love it, we’ll change what we rep/buy. No one likes a writer who wastes our time. Tsk.
2. Follow submission guidelines. How hard is it to go to the Web site of the agent/house you’re querying? I state I only accept e-queries, yet I usually get one snail-mail a day. I also get e-queries from those who don’t qualify as per my query requirements. No, I won’t break the rules for you, and I don’t appreciate you asking. Well, not you.

Okay, now let’s take it from the top—literally. Proper format isn’t a deal-breaker, but it helps.

3. Make a simple letterhead at the top of your page. Nothin’ fancy required. Your name in a bigger-than-12-pt. font, and your brand or mantra (if you have one). Your address as well, or you can put it at the bottom of your letter, or under your signature.
4. Skip a space or two, then left justify the date.
5. Skip a line and type the name of the person you’re querying. PLEASE spell the name correctly! Only address as: Dear a/e if that’s what the person/house requires. Looks way tacky. Their agency/house below that, their address below that. Skip a space and type “Dear whatever-your-name-is.”

Wasn’t that easy? Now for something that mystifies, and often strikes fear into the hearts of writers. The Logline (since I’m in So.

Cal., that’s what I call it), Tagline, or Handle. The one-two lines that sum-up your manuscript. The few lines that make us wanna read on, that hook us in, that tell us what you’re writing. The Logline is VITAL. Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya.

6. Here’s an example: They were perfect for each other. Too bad they were born in different centuries. This is the Logline from the movie Kate and Leopold, a time-travel romance starring Meg Ryan. I instantly knew what kind of movie it was. Effective logline.
7. Another example is taking the titles of two books or movies, slapping them together, then comparing them to your manuscript. For instance: Emma meets The Valley Girl describes the movie Clueless. Get the idea? Now it’s your turn. Work on your logline. For anyone who’d like my opinion, feel free to send your one-two lines in and I’ll comment on them tomorrow. We’ll finish part 2 of the lesson on Wednesday.

I’d like to thank you all for signing up for my blog, and I hope the lessons benefit you.

Smiles,

Kelly