Query Letter: Part 2
Hey Gang,
Still have one deal pending. The guy said he’s call me Monday. Men! They tell ya they’ll call ya tomorrow….. Actually did this post last night but forgot to start a new thread. Hey, it was 10 P.M.; whaddaya want!. Missed ya guys. So, minus your simple, neat letterhead, this is how the beginning of your query should look. (Note: There are extra spaces I couldn’t delete. No space inbetween a quote and the quotee, no spaces in the name and address. Oiy!)
LETTERHEAD (I often used one of my endorsement quotes underneath the letterhead.)
“Kelly–you’re writing looks great. Good luck with selling!”
… New York Times Best-Selling Author, Kat Martin
March 17, 2008
Ms. Exalted Editor
Gonna-Sign-Ya Books
Address
Address
Dear Ms. Editor,
What happens when the Lucy Ricardo of the 14th Century meets the hero of the battle of Crecy? (’meets’ should be under ‘what.’ I have a full page when I compose, then it doesn’t show up right on the blog. Arrg!)
I’ve written a 90,000-word historical romance, Moment of Glory, and I’m looking for an editor. Moment of Glory has humor, drama, mystery, and has recently finaled in three contests. The second manuscript in the series, Moment of Passion, is also completed.
(That’s your “info” paragraph. Enough so the agent/editor knows what she’s gonna read, how long it is, yadda yadda. Some people put it at the end. I like to know up-front, so that’s how I send mine. Whatever floats yer boat. Your title should be in italics and bold.)
(Next, I do a paragraph on each main character)
Edlynne Wynterbourne is beautiful, clumsy, and nearsighted—and her pluck often leads her into perilous situations. Her father, the Earl of Sussex, orders her to wed a most vile man, while she wishes to wed for love. To escape this heinous fate she disguises herself as a peasant and embarks upon an adventure, but her father is close on her heels. Can she find the one who’ll love her—not her wealth—before it’s too late?
(Notice I used contractions, but also kept the flavor of the time with other words like “vile,” “perilous,” etc.)
Send your paragraphs when ya have ‘em. Sorry for the disjointed schedule. One of those things. I’m actually supposed to be on vaca this week–code for I’m supposed to be working on my “nigttime” business, and my non-fiction proposal. Sigh.
K.
March 18th, 2008 at 17:31
Kelly,
Great lessons! Trying to catch up; I’m sorry I missed Part One!!
One-liners and/or a short paragraph synop scare me spitless. I’m devoutly passionate (obsessed) with the story arc I’m laying down on paper, yet as soon as I try to boil the story down to a sentence or two, I have to generalize to such extend that I can come up with nothing more than a cliche. And a bad one at that. Good vs. Evil? Who hasn’t wrote about that? A unique twist? Is there such a thing? I say, yes, but those that don’t enjoy my genre roll their eyes and disagree.
Which is why, as you said, I need to find an agent/editor who represents/edits my slice of ham. Hmmm. Hard to find em.
Anyway: start paragraphs//
Dear Ms. Editor,
Two young men are born with power not seen in millenia; one raised by loving parents, the other raised by twisted Priests. Which one is the key to salvation, which one the fate of damnation?
I present my novel, Treewalker (Italics/Bold), a completed 116,000 word speculative fiction piece, the first in a five-book series, a story of suspense, romance, betrayal, action, and that subliminal question: Why me? Book Two, Gamemaster (Italics/Bold), is drafted.
Saeth Locke is a Treewalker. A loner. Leaping from branch to branch, inside intricate canopies hundreds of feet high, he hunts the rarest of remedies. Until strange events lead him to a fate with which he wants nothing to do.
Peris Sheristein is a Necromancer. At least, that’s what his Fathers tell him. For ten years six priests have taught him of the doom of mankind and the art of magic. Ten years. Of boredom. But if mankind needs saving…
//end paragraphs
Can I talk about two characters in a query? If I talk about one, the hero, the story seems boring. Sorry the post is so long.
Will
March 20th, 2008 at 01:47
So, it sounds like what you’re saying is that the query letter should match the tone of the book, in some respects. If you’ve written a medieval, the odd “archaic” word in your query won’t make the agent spazz out?
March 21st, 2008 at 02:23
Hey Deb,
It’s like salt. A sprinkle for flavor, but too much makes your food unedible.
I got great response from this when I sent it out.
K.
March 21st, 2008 at 03:03
Hey Kelly,
Thanks for part 2 on the query letter lesson. All of us greatly appreciate you finding time to help us, even with your busy schedule.
So I guess I will start the paragraphs now… (though i am very nervous!)
I’ve witten a 200,000-word historical romance, Vengeance, and I am looking for an agent. Vengeance is a tale of danger and passion, of violence and love. Yet, through the darkest of times, hope, faith and humor prevail. The second manuscript, Vanquish, the third, Violence and the fourth, Virtue, in this series are also complete.
Gerik is haunted by the events of his tragic past. He has become cold and withdrawn, giving the facade of a hard man who has spent most of his life planning his vengeance. Alexandria, or Alex as she is known to the world, can see through the mask he wears. She knows it is the fear of letting someone close, only to lose them that Gerik keeps his distance from all. Alex is a master at pretenses, after living her entire life as something she is not. It has become the only means she has to protect herself. Yet, when Gerik accidentally learns the truth about Alex, he finds a bold and fiery woman to whom he has no defense. She scales the walls he has built around himself and brings light to the dark hollowness of his heart.
In a time when men lived and died by the sword, mistaken identity, perilous situations and unbridled passion throw two people together. Two people who thought to live out their lives alone. In the journey Gerik and Alex embark on, their strong wills clash, their unbendable pride is dented and their iron control is lost. As their lives become intertwined in their fight against a common enemy, passion blooms in danger, terror is overcome and the bonds of friendship and family are strengthened as love conquers all.
Okay… well i didn’t know if you wanted just the info or the character paragraph as well so i did both.
also I had a question, do you need a paragraph that sums up the book or not? I have read that you do. And do you do a closing paragraph thanking whoever you are writing to for their time?
just another note- I do know that historical romances are suppose to to be about half the length of mine so if anyone has any suggestions on how to make the characters in my head shut up once in awhile, they would be greatly appreciated :0) Thanks!
March 24th, 2008 at 02:00
Dear Ms. Editor,
Wanna build up your identity in Christ and grasp the nature and character of God?
I’m writing a 50,000 word non-fiction book, Capture Your Identity, and I’m looking for an editor. Capture Your Identity provides paraphrased verses written in first person each with a short lead-in lesson covering topics like Dream with God, Overcome Obstacles, and God’s Extravagant Love.
This book contains five sections:
• Transform into a Disciple
• Transform into a Lover
• Transform into a Warrior
• Transform into a Co-Laborer
• Transform into His Likeness
[Kelly, since this is non-fiction, do I give a brief bio here? If so, here it is.]
Linda Breitman:
• Ordained minister, author, conference speaker
• Taught on identity for over ten years
• Founded Dangerous Women Ministries
• Interviewed on 700 Club, Le Sea Broadcasting, Cornerstone Television, Carmen’s Time Two television program, and radio nationwide
Going Fishing: Practical Way to Reach Your Neighbor, her first book, has been used as a text for Church Bible Schools
March 24th, 2008 at 18:55
I’m late with this, but here goes.
Pretend my letterhead is here…
Date:
Person’s name:
address
address
Dear Oh Exalted Editor,
What happens when Laird Filtairn comes home to claim the woman his soul cries out for, and the lands that are rightfully his? Will his dark secret help him gain his desires, or destroy all?
I have written a 103,000-word paranormal historical, Dance of the Wolf and am searching for an editor. Dance of the Wolf offers love, romance, intrigue and murder and is set in mid-1800’s London and Scotland.
Anna MacFarlane wishes to marry for love, not a financial arrangement. She has no choice when her mother sends her to London to stay with her aunt who will chaperone her through her first social season. As the season comes to an end, she learns that her mother has died suddenly and as the only heir, she is required at home. There, she has a chance meeting with a man who wakes the passion she longs for. But her family carries a scandalous secret, one that could destroy her security. When Anna’s life is threatened, will the man she is falling in love with be able to save her?
Connal MacBrennan fell in love with Anna at first glance. Though a young boy of fourteen, he knew there would never be another for him. But his family was forced from their home after a series of ‘accidents’ which his mother felt were deliberate and he never had the chance to speak with Anna, let alone voice his feelings to her. Now, he’s come home and the girl he fell in love with has grown into a beautiful woman. One he is determined to claim for his own. He also intends to reclaim the land that rightfully belongs to him, and his title as Laird Filtairn. But he has brought with him a dangerous curse. When Anna is kidnapped, Connal is forced to make a decision, use his curse to save her, or to kill her love forever.
~~~~~~~~
Now, I’m guessing we’re supposed to have a kick-butt final paragraph here but I have a feeling my query is terrible so I’ll wait for input before I do anything else.
Hope you’re feeling better and had a good weekend!
nm
March 24th, 2008 at 18:56
OH! And since we can’t edit our posts and I copied my query from Word and have no idea if I can use HTML or not, the title of my story is in fact, in italics and is bold. Sorry about the formatting.
drat
nm
March 25th, 2008 at 00:19
Hi wawindom,
Not bad at all! Your logline is long, but interesting, so I’d leave it.
Info is all there. Is this inspirational or secular? “Speculative Fiction” leads me to believe CBA, as ABA writers say “fantasy” or “paranormal.” If it is aimed at the CBA, then add “inspirational” in there.
Yes, you should have a short paragraph on your two main characters.
Good job!
K.
March 25th, 2008 at 00:33
Hi, Andrea.
First, you know your book is too long. It’d be a tough sell most agents won’t wanna take on unless you’re a well-known author. Find a way to split it into two books.
Next, rule of thumb is “never write past book 2 in a series, until you sell book one.” So, mention the second book, but stop there.
I think your paragraphs are too wordy, and written in a passive voice. You can send it to me via e-mail attachment in a word doc and I’ll edit it next week. I’m on vaca this week!
K.
March 25th, 2008 at 00:40
Hey, quacker.
Thanks for your support.
Looks good. Need a comma after “first person.”
You can write a short paragraph for your bio. I assume you have a full proposal ready to go? Gotta tell ya PLATFORM is everything!
K.
March 25th, 2008 at 00:53
Hey, nightsmusic,
I’d switch the first part around…
You wrote:
[I have written a 103,000-word paranormal historical, Dance of the Wolf and am searching for an editor. Dance of the Wolf offers love, romance, intrigue and murder and is set in mid-1800’s London and Scotland.]
(I,B)Dance of the Wolf is a 100,000-word paranormal historical romance set in mid-1800’s London and Scotland, offering [filled with] murder and intrigue.
I think I steered ya wrong with the “I’ve written,” which isn’t always needed, but should always be a contraction if ya use it.
Don’t think “terrible,” think, “needs improvement.” It’s wordy. Send it to me via e-mail attachment and I’ll edit it next week
K.
March 25th, 2008 at 15:02
Hi, Kelly.
Yes, my piece is fantasy. You’re right, I didn’t even hear the term Speculative Fiction until I started lurking inside the CBA circles. As to “inspriational” vs. “secular”? Really, either. I’ve had quite a few from both walks of life read it and have no problem. Deep roots of allegory and biblical truths, but not preachy. Having bits of an “Old Testament” feel isn’t too far amiss in fantasy. And I can’t stand the preachy plot over an action plot.
I’ve really struggled with which way to go while shopping the book. I feel a tug to honor the Lord with my writing, so I lean towards seeking Christian representation and publishing. But I want to honor the Lord with my writing…and get it into as many non-Christians’ hands as possible. Don’t know if it’s a catch-22 yet since getting pubbed in fantasy (either CBA or ABA) as a newbie author is like wrestling Goliath with only your toes.
Thank you for the feedback!
Will
March 27th, 2008 at 18:55
Hi Kelly,
No, I do not have a full proposal ready to go. What do I do next?
Is the bio okay the way I have it?
With great appreciation,
Quacker
April 1st, 2008 at 18:24
Hi Kelly,
Thanks for looking at this, being very new to writing I need all the direction I can get. My paragraphs:
Dear Ms. Editor,
How was Simon of Cyrene impacted by the Cross of Christ?
Jesus Encounters is a 90,000 word historical fiction project that is based on minor characters of the Bible whose lives were directly impacted by Jesus.
How did carrying the cross of Jesus influence Simon of Cyrene as he literally led Jesus to his death? See the truth come alive in Simon’s heart as he becomes a believer of Christ.
Why did Joseph of Arimathea bury Jesus in a tomb he provided? See the events based on Scripture that led Joseph to ask Pilate for Jesus’ body and his revelation that Jesus was the promised Messiah.
*********
Is this too short? Is there enough there to peak your interest?
Thanks for these lessons, they are priceless to me.
Walk
April 1st, 2008 at 20:21
Hey Wawindom,
David had rocks; you have toes! I spoke with Debbie Macomber on this subject. I’m a Jesus-lovin’ woman, yet I don’t write inspy. Tried, but it didn’t work. She told me the same thing! She writes inspirational books, but not Christ-centered. She said when she tried the other way, her voice sounded forced.
Jesus knows what’s in your heart. IMHO, every writer should write what they want, in their voice. If you catch flack from judgmental Christians, live with it. You’re not in business to please them. If you don’t violate your personal beliefs or throw in sex, violence, etc., for no reason, you’re okay in my book.
As to what market to shoot for? Impossible to tell without reading the work. Rule of thumb: If you take out the inspirational aspects and the plot still works, it can go either way. Usually only well-established authors can get away with that in the CBA, though.
K.
April 1st, 2008 at 20:24
Hey Quacker,
Need more info. Sorry, probably my vaca time-lapse. Did I read your bio yet, and what do you mean you don’t have a full proposal? Sorry!
I’m back now, so please give me another chance!
K.
April 1st, 2008 at 20:31
Hey Walk,
I’m happy to help. Sorry for the delay! Needs a bit of fixing. Sounds like you have two POV’s, and written this way, three. Needs some clarification, but not too shabby! See comments below, then try to fix and send back.
Dear Ms. Editor,
How was Simon of Cyrene impacted by the Cross of Christ? [good]
Jesus Encounters is a 90,000[hyphen] word historical fiction project that is based on minor characters of the Bible whose lives were directly impacted by Jesus.
How did carrying the cross of Jesus influence Simon of Cyrene as he literally led Jesus to his death? See the truth come alive in Simon’s heart as he becomes a believer of Christ.
Why did Joseph of Arimathea bury Jesus in a tomb he provided? [this reads ‘a tomb that Jesus provided’]See [read about]the events based on Scripture that led Joseph to ask Pilate for Jesus’ body[comma] and his revelation that Jesus was the promised Messiah.[this reads ‘when Pilate realized Jesus was the Messiah’]
April 2nd, 2008 at 04:37
Dear Ms, Editor,
How was Simon of Cyrene impacted by the Cross of Christ?
Jesus Encounters is a 90,000-word historical fiction project that is based on minor characters of the Bible whose lives were directly impacted by Jesus.
You will read how carrying the Cross of Jesus influenced Simon of Cyrene as he literally led Jesus to his death and how the truth comes alive in Simon’s heart as he becomes a believer of Christ.
Why did Joseph of Arimathea bury Jesus in Joseph’s own tomb? Read about the events based on Scripture that led Joseph to ask Pilate for Jesus’ body, and Joseph’s revelation that Jesus was the Promised Messiah.
***********
Once again thanks, you see the newby mistakes that I overlook even after several edits.
Oh, by the way, welcome back, did you have a great vacation?
April 2nd, 2008 at 19:54
Kelly,
Thanks for the encouragement and suggetions! I truly take them to heart. Were I to have my druthers, I’d find my Christ-loving agent that had every intention of selling ABA (at least, my stuff).
Too much to ask?
I know beggars can’t be choosers, and right now I’m looking up to the beggars…
Bless ya!
Will